The Tail of Lizzy

A bright green lizard just crawled under my front door. He was about 6 inches long, and rather cute, so I instantly said "I shall name you Lizzy!But you can't stay here Lizzy, you must be an outdoor lizard, so out you go!"

I got a bowl and manila envelope to try and catch him. I decided I could put the bowl over him, slide the manila envelope under it, and take Lizzy back out side.

Lizzy didn't like that idea much, so he started up the wall, thus earning the notice of the giant ball of fur we call a dog.

(can you see where this is going?)

I'm tying to catch Lizzy. Furball is trying to EAT Lizzy and Lizzy does not want any of that. So Lizzy tries to make a break for it. Right at me. Now, I'm screeching in that girl meets spider/bug/insect voice, Furball is scrambling on the tile trying to catch the tasty green morsel that is getting away, Izzy is terribly excited by all the commotion, and Lizzy is making a mad dash for the toy box, which offers apparent lizard sanctuary.

I am, of course, in between the dog, the lizard, and the toy box. So I am dodging Lizzy, trying not to get barreled over by a giant ball of fur, and shrieking like a school girl. Lizzy makes it to the toy box, which just send Furball into a toy box knocking over tizzy of spasmodic proportions.

He catches the lizard.

Now I am yelling at the dog to let go of the lizard, and get the dog out of the house, so when he lets go, Lizzy can be free.

No such luck. Lizzy is no more.

I put Furball outside, just in case lizards don't digest well, if you know what I mean.

I walk back in, and Izzy hands me the still twitching tail of Lizzy. Just what every mother wants, a twitching lizard tail from their toddler. I'm just glad he didn't try to eat it.

This is my life, I swear to you, I could not make this up!

I'm terminating our relationship

Dear Weatherman

Considering your grossly inaccurate forcasting skills and complete lack of regard for anything remotely related to the truth, I regret to inform you that I can no longer continue this toxic relationship.

Oh yes, I wanted to believe you. I wanted to do just what you said. "Today will be beautiful, the perfect day to spend outdoors, before the summer really hits" You said. I was seduced by your words. I thought, how can you, MY weatherman, lead me astray? Haven't you always had my very best weather well-being at heart?

So I planned my day.

I put on those cute denim capris that are a little warmer and less "breathing" than shorts

I went out to enjoy my day.

The day that YOU promised would be a perfect 92 degrees, with barely any humidity and not a drop of rain to pester those fluffy white clouds.

You. LIAR.

Those perfect clouds were black and heavy. That air that was supposed to remind me of my native DRY desert - was horrid, humid, and sticky

My cute denim capris - MISERABLE hot.

I listened to you, and you broke my heart... or at least made me break a sweat.

So screw you, Mr. Fox Weatherman.

SCREW YOU