Showing posts with label Imaginary letters. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Imaginary letters. Show all posts
My Dearest Mother Nature,
I thank you so much for giving me a wonderful world to live in. I am a huge fan of your fall collections! The colors, the cool air, the crisp evenings. I just love it all. It is very hard for me to criticize you. After all, you have been doing this job for many, many years. You know your stuff.
However.... (you just knew that was coming, didn't you?)
I am not a huge fan of the gray hair that I constantly need to cover up, when it is combined with a pimply breakout so massive, so huge, of such epic proportions, that even scrawny A/V club teenagers are shirking away from me in horror. I feel that I have indeed put in my "dues" and I can live with the gray hair, but I cannot tolerate the nasty pustule filled sores. I am no longer a teenager; I am in fact a decade or so past teenybopper, and there for demand that you take back the teen skin that you have cursed me with this past week.
Gary hair or pimples. You can have one. Not both.
Sincerely,
Dayle
Who vastly prefers gray over a pimply forehead.
Dear Boring Webinar Company,
After an extensive and exhaustive polling process (aka talking to my friend) we (well,I - but we sounds so much more official) have determined that your webinars are extremely dull and dry. But don't dispare! (a little added drama to get them on the hook) Dayle's Webinar Enhancement Services are here! (Catchy business title, no?) For a nominal fee (and by nominal I mean write me a great big fat check) DWES (hum, that sounds like a radio station. I may have to change the name) can enhance your webinars so that your target audience (my friend) is no longer disinterested (reduced to tears) about viewing your webinars. You may choose from one or more (more! Choose more! so I can charge more!) of the following webinar enhancements;
Fun narrator voices. (My hubby is pretty good at funny voices) Nothing says pay attention to me like a webinar read by Arnold Schwarzenegger, or a kooky french accent, or the sexy latin lover. Or even Elmer Fudd! After all the very word "webinar" is right up Elmer's alley.
Or you could have a host of fun animated characters (stick figures drawn by yours truly) who pop up from time to time during the webinar process. Perhaps a little mouse who will make fun balloon animals in the bottom corner of the screen. Or the bowlegged cowboy who swaggers across the screen just to shoot holes in the webinar. Or my favorite - the little old lady who give the finger (no doubt what your poor webinar viewers have wanted to do to you!)
Or the "sound enhancement" package, including farts, burps, and various other and sometimes unidentifiable body sounds (I intend to follow my sons around with a microphone... an hour should yield enough sounds for several webinars)
Sincerely,
Dayle (who has way to much time on her hands, and should be cleaning rather than making up fake letters to companies)
After an extensive and exhaustive polling process (aka talking to my friend) we (well,I - but we sounds so much more official) have determined that your webinars are extremely dull and dry. But don't dispare! (a little added drama to get them on the hook) Dayle's Webinar Enhancement Services are here! (Catchy business title, no?) For a nominal fee (and by nominal I mean write me a great big fat check) DWES (hum, that sounds like a radio station. I may have to change the name) can enhance your webinars so that your target audience (my friend) is no longer disinterested (reduced to tears) about viewing your webinars. You may choose from one or more (more! Choose more! so I can charge more!) of the following webinar enhancements;
Fun narrator voices. (My hubby is pretty good at funny voices) Nothing says pay attention to me like a webinar read by Arnold Schwarzenegger, or a kooky french accent, or the sexy latin lover. Or even Elmer Fudd! After all the very word "webinar" is right up Elmer's alley.
Or you could have a host of fun animated characters (stick figures drawn by yours truly) who pop up from time to time during the webinar process. Perhaps a little mouse who will make fun balloon animals in the bottom corner of the screen. Or the bowlegged cowboy who swaggers across the screen just to shoot holes in the webinar. Or my favorite - the little old lady who give the finger (no doubt what your poor webinar viewers have wanted to do to you!)
Or the "sound enhancement" package, including farts, burps, and various other and sometimes unidentifiable body sounds (I intend to follow my sons around with a microphone... an hour should yield enough sounds for several webinars)
Sincerely,
Dayle (who has way to much time on her hands, and should be cleaning rather than making up fake letters to companies)
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